Mother offers to pay $2000 for her son's wedding, and it was supposed to cover everything, until last minute they changed the party and expected the mother to pay more: 'I didn't agree to a 70-person party, and nobody asked me before they changed it'

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When my son Tyler got engaged to Priya last year, I told them I'd pay for the rehearsal dinner. I said I could put in $2,000. They picked an Italian place they both love, and the plan was the wedding party plus immediate family, around 20 people. The quote came in right around my number. Two months ago Priya sent me an updated plan. It's now 70 people, including every out-of-town guest, and it's become a
A couple getting married on a rooftop. Still frame for contextual reference only.
"welcome party" at a rooftop bar with an open bar and passed appetizers. The new quote is $6,800. I told them, kindly, that I'm still happy to give the $2,000 I promised and they can use it toward whatever they want. I just can't cover the rest. I'm a single mom, and that $2,000 is money I set aside over a whole year. Tyler said that traditionally the
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groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner, so it's my responsibility either way. Priya's mom told him it would be "embarrassing" for the bride's side to have to chip in. I love them both and I'm thrilled about this wedding. But I didn't agree to a 70-person party, and nobody asked me before they changed it.
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Is it wrong of me to stick to the amount I actually offered?
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A bride and a groom holding hands during the ceremony. Representative only.
CatsMom4Ever NTA. Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party only. MAYBE their partners. It's not a free-for-all. So if your son wants to stick to tradition, tell him to uninvite the untraditional guests! Your son and his fiancée are trying to take advantage of you. They can kick in the money. Stick to your budget. If they don't like it, they can pay for the whole thing.
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EconomyPlenty5716 Ohh I no! Nip this in the bud. Tell mil it's tradition to make what you can work, not steal someone's money with this outrageous decision.
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Liathano_Fire Theu changed it from a reversal dinner to a welcome party. According to them, you are off the hook completely.
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Snoo-74562 NTA - you set a budget and the 2000 is a significanta gift to them both. It was for a rehearsal dinner not for a welcome party three times the size..... However if the gift is embarrassing to them and they have made alternative plans to have a welcome party instead of a rehearsal dinner you should withdraw it. Your son has embarrassed himself with his presumption and greed. The
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entitlement is very poor taste.
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teresajs NTA If you're following traditions, the rehearsal dinner would be hosted by the groom's family. In addition to paying for the rehearsal dinner, "hosting" includes planning the dinner and choosing the guest list. If you aren't being allowed to plan a rehearsal dinner, then you have absolutely no obligation to pay for any of it.
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Don't let others spend your money, especially for something as frivolous as a rooftop party and alcol. Have a conversation with your son alone. Kindly explain to him that you were looking forward to hosting his rehearsal dinner but it took you a year of sacrifice to save $2000 and can't go into debt for an open bar at a rooftop bar. Tell him that you're upset that he's trying to pressure you into putting yourself into a precarious financial position. Explain that you love him,
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but you won't allow anyone to push you into spending money you don't have, and there's no tradition of the groom's family hosting a welcome party. Tell him that you'll be saving your money to possibly give to him in the future when he can be a more gracious recipient. He and Priya can figure out a celebration that doesn't rely on your money. If he gets mad, that's okay. He needs to learn to be an adult and to treat people better.
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Single_Buddy288 Its unfair to make you feel guilty for not funding a party you never agreed to host.. They should be grateful instead of demanding three times what you offered.
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Stitch426 NTA. "I am a single mother. You want to take food out of the mouths of your younger siblings? I cannot afford it. You cannot afford it. You need to scale it down. $2000 is all I have, which is plenty generous."
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WeirdcoolWilson I'm of the opinion that if you want a fancy rooftop rehearsal dinner, you find a way to pay for it yourself. If the groom's mom offers to help, if the bride's family offers to help then great!! But if you're grown enough to plan a wedding, you're old enough to pay for the plans you make. NTA
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